I love mankind, but i find to my amazement that the more i love mankind as a whole, the less i love individual people. In my thoughts, I often visualize ecstatically the sacrifices i could make for mankind, and indeed, i might even accept martyrdom for my fellow men if circumstance suddenly demanded it of me. In actual fact, however, I cannot bear to spend two days in the same room with another person. And this i know from personal experience. Whenever someone is too close to me, i feel my personal dignity and freedom are being infringed upon. Within twenty fours hours, i can come to hate the best of men, perhaps because he eats too slowly or because he has a cold and keeps blowing his nose. I become a man's enemy the minute he touches me. But to make up for it, the more i hate individual people, the more ardent is my general love for mankind.
...what is the answer then? Is it completely hopeless?
No, because the very fact that it worries you is enough in itself. Do the best you can and it will stand you in good stead. As it is, you have done a great deal, for you have come to know yourself deeply and sincerely. However, if you have spoken to me so frankly only to make me praise you for your sincerity, then of course, you will fail to accomplish true acts of love; all your good intentions will remain mere daydreams, and your whole life will slip by like a shadow. In that case, you will certainly forget all about the future life as well, and in the end you will somehow or other stop worrying altogether.
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