more of tbk

I feel completely crushed! This very second I realize that, just as you say, I was expecting you to praise me for my sincerity when I told you that i would not be able to bear ingratitude. You have brought out what was within me. You saw it and you have shown it to me!

Do you really mean what you say now? If so, after what you have admitted, I am sure that you are sincere and that you have a good heart. Even if it is not given to you to achieve happiness, you must always remember that you are on the right path and you must not try to stray from it. Above all, avoid lying, especially to yourself. Keep watching out for your lies, watch for them every hour, every minute. Also avoid disgust, both for others and for yourself: whatever strikes you disgusting within yourself is cleansed by the mere fact that you notice it. Avoid fear too, although fear is really only a consequence of lies. Never be afraid of your petty selfishness when you try to achieve love, and don't be too alarmed if you act badly on occasion. I'm sorry I cannot tell you anythg more reassuring. A true act of love, unlike imaginary love, is hard and forbidding. Imaginary love yearns for an immediate heroic act that is achieved quickly and seen by everyone. People may actually reach a point where they are willing to sacrifice their lives, as long as the ordeal doesn't last too long, is quickly over--just like on the stage, with the public watching and admiring. A true act of love, on the other hand, requires hard work and patience, and for some, it is a whole way of life. But i predict that at the very moment when you see despairingly that, despite all your efforts, you have not only failed to come closer to your goal, but indeed, seem even farther from it than ever--at that very moment, you will have achieved your goal and will recognize the miraculous power of our Lord, who has always loved you and has secretly guided you all along.